“Those aren’t fighting words, dear”

I’ve just finished an article I can honestly say made a huge impact in my “becoming” growth period. The funny this is it’s about a conclusion I already came up with during a situation years ago, but kind of buried it in the back of my mind–sometimes a situation may appear to be about you but, well, it’s not. I learned this while dealing with an angry employee a few years ago. Instead of writing them up for lashing out and creating all kinds of havoc one particular Saturday afternoon, I told them I’d return to talk to them in 20 minutes. Long story short, I’m very glad I did so.

The article is about a woman’s response to her husband saying he wants to leave her. Now, I know the subject matter of this here blog and it most certainly falls in line with it, but I want to apply it to every relationship in our lives. Even as an introvert it can be difficult for me to just hush and take the less traveled route of action, but it may just be the right remedy for a situation.

Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

By LAURA A. MUNSON

August 2, 2009

Modern Love

LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

Read the rest of the article here.

There Is No Formula

Yes, I’m doing something wrong.

Everyone is, that’s the point.

Ever since I joined *the* best student ministry ever, graduated, then began attending *the* best church ever (lol) I’ve noticed something. It’s not quite a pattern, but significant enough to cause alarm–just people getting married. This is great by itself, but terrible for myself personally as I’ve always had a habit of pedestalizing things. Not on purpose really, I grew up lacking positive examples and even now and then still drink them in at face value and internalizing. I kept/keep thinking if I only did/do this or that better, I would end up like my married friends knowing full well my two favorite people of the Bible (King David and the Apostle Paul) messed up horribly but left life on earth victoriously. This isn’t to give them or myself a “get out of jail free” pass when it comes to grace, it’s the truth and the very reason it was necessary for Jesus to use Himself as the ultimate sacrifice–we couldn’t do it alone.

This isn’t to say we should stop striving to be the best Christians we can possibly be, we’re warned against that too. How do we find a happy medium then? If God knows my heart, does putting “I’m trying to do…” in front of things count for us or against us? There is no formula, so how do I know my struggles to be a better person aren’t in vain? I do know step one is to stop trying to be a better person for the sake of saying I’m a better person, in hopes of looking resume savvy for potential suitors. No, my desire is to be the apple of God’s eye, and obedient daughter God would be proud of not because I have it all together, but because it pains my soul to fall short.

If I’m to be married, it’s because God saw fit for me to be in that place regardless if I pray everyday, give, serve others and more. Those things are great, the hallmarks of someone who truly loves the Lord in fact, but we’re no one to say who God will use or choose. He has a knack for using the unusual (the talking donkey) and an absolute mess of an individual (Saul, later God’s servant the Apostle Paul, who personally hunted down and murdered Christians. It was wrong of me to attempt to take hold of my life’s paint brush to create a seemingly “perfect” on my own for the sole purpose of gaining my heart’s desire.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

While writing this post I remembered a song I learned as a little girl. Completely forgot about it, but here it is. I love it because it really sticks to the spirit, I’m sure you’ll be humming it through the rest of the week!

Oh, and another version I love too .

Date Night! :)

Sooooo…I went on a date Friday.

With…

:::drumroll:::

…myself.

Sorry for getting any hopes up! Lol, I went to see The Avengers and it was great, the perfect blend of absolute mayhem and humor. I was on the fence about The Avengers or The Hunger Games, and I’m not disappointed with my choice. In fact it may be the first movie ever I’d be willing to go see again while still in the theater.

I’m happy going out by myself doesn’t feel so awkward at times. There were lots of couples out and about and seeing them together did make me feel a bit down at times, but it didn’t affect my overall experience. This was my first time taking myself out for a movie since The Social Network came out (I meant to do so at Valentine’s Day but my schedule wouldn’t allow for it at the last minute) and don’t regret it one bit! Okay, I take that back–I kinda regret the $10 I spent on small popcorn and an Icee, sheesh! We’re still in a recession folks, lol!

While we’re on the topic of alone time I’m soooo happy with my decision to branch out on my own and get an apartment. I had to weigh my options of paying down my debts quicker or moving, and though it was a tough one I chose moving. I picked this route for several reasons, the major one being it was simply time to go. Also, my debts aren’t debilitating, just enough to be annoying. I still have to find a way to put more money into paying them off, but for now in just at peace with my alone time with myself and with God. I’ve got lots to think about!

who the heck am i kidding?

the previous post, this one, and a few more to come will be a bit rambling in nature–complete with questionable punctuation and grammar. please bear with me, i have no other outlet for my thoughts.

im slowly suffocating the idea of having a crush, and thankfully it’s working. i don’t know what’s different now than in years past, but reality and i have become so acquainted with one another it makes sense that im able to keep my head our of the clouds much more efficiently than before. the word “crush” is so funny to me, by nature it even sounds all wrong! who wants to be “crushed” by something? anyhoo, i really need to chill out because 1.) im wayyy out of his league, and i mean that as a negative on my end. men in general aren’t very interested in me. im usually the funny, nerdy friend of the pretty chick, which leads me to 2.) he should an interest in one of my very gorgeous friends when i first met him back in november or december (memory’s a bit fuzzy), and i didn’t pay all that much attention to him then. in fact i told her it was funny and cute how he was pretty much glued to her the entire time–and it honestly was, which leads me to 3.) WHO THE HECK AM I KIDDING!?!?!

i need to chill, look in the mirror, and accept my role as the moderately acceptable friend.

just one problem: it’s lonely here, and hurts…

if there’s one thing i can do, it’s pray that the Lord keeps his head clear so that he can choose the mate God really has for him, and my friend as well. seeing God work through people is a beautiful thing, and i only want the best for everyone.

from uneventful to worse. oy.

yesterday was the first friday of the month, pretty much my favorite day since that’s when our singles group meets. i looove this group because they don’t tell you how to get a man in a few easy steps after “curing” yourself of whatever is making you undesirable to the opposite sex. it’s about developing a relationship with God for those of us without husbands, wives and families. it’s a safe place. unfortunately i no longer have a car so i was super late–i had a meeting with someone and they ran late, bumping my travel time later. they were coming in from the opposite side of the state and i didn’t want to reschedule again, that would have just been mean; it’s a long drive! anyway, being at the mercy of the public transit system was horrible to say the least, i’d forgotten how it’s like. the actual ride is fine, it’s just everything else…:-/.

anyway, the uneventful part: i don’t date or really anything with the opposite sex. well, not including the ones im blood related to of course. unfortunately ive developed a crush. i only recognized for what it was yesterday, since it’s been years since ive had one. i was literally thinking, “why does he make nervous, and why do i have an immediate urge to avoid him when i see him?” mind you, the avoiding part is to elude the nervousness, lol. anyway i really hope this feeling goes away because nothing will actually come of it. it’s just our natural reaction to someone we find attractive and have gotten just close enough to them to recognize a few good attributes. it’s just “worse” for me because it’s magnifying a few of the cons of being single. ive kinds resigned myself to realizing I will likely be single long-term, or, at least that’s how i feel it’s looking. don’t get me wrong–i want God’s plan for my life, it’s just i can’t help but feel extremely human from time to time, especially now when everyone i know is getting married, having beautiful children, ect..and knowing i seem like an alien to them.

that’s just me i guess…the single christian alien with some stupid crush. judging how quickly these things went away when i was in middle and high school, im guessing i’ll be over this whole crush thing just in time for thanksgiving.

this sucks…

i honestly just want to treat my christian brothers as brothers, and then here i go feeling this way. the good thing is, i may not have an oscar or anything but im a decent actress. if i play my cards right, he and no one else (well, except you) will ever know how i truly feel.

muzeOne – Loves

Not two seconds after I published the previous someone posted this awesome song to Facebook. I’m gonna have to check out his other stuff!

Not-so-fleeting Thoughts

I’m not anyone spectacular. I say this because the next statement might come across as pretentious, lol. Anyway, I’m finding myself so, so glad God hasn’t let me fall even though I am/was a prime candidate for doing so.

My quest in becoming the right person has come full swing now–it’s been a whole year since I first heard Andy Stanley’s sermon–and several years since thoughts wandered through my mind about how I can strive to be a woman after God’s own heart. I realize now, of course, that it isn’t by accident. In fact at this point I would venture to say it has absolutely nothing to do with any human relationships, but learning who I am without any outside guidance. I am so grateful that God saw fit for me to pour over tons and tons of material on the topic in a solace I completely abhorred then (well, it more so about being alone in a place I didn’t know) but wouldn’t take that time back for anything.

I know who I am, even though I’m constantly being told otherwise.

I say this after reading an awesome blog post by someone three years ago about being a young single. For women especially, the older you get the more it seems those on the outside want to frame you into some sort of ideal. Personally, even if I somewhat agree with what others think, the shear thought of being forced into into their ideas of me makes me want to buck it entirely. Case in point–I’m getting older. No man in sight, and on top of that I have a cat, lol. I’m not particularly against the idea of being married, but in public company I’m surely not going to give in to others’ perception of me by admitting that. In fact I’m still rather aloof about it and wish I had a close friend to talk to. Now that I’m learning about relationships as a whole in my new group at church, I realize my ideas of being single and by myself are not what God intended of me. Unfortunately…I’ve been trained to elude, to pretend I don’t appreciate closeness.

But I do.

With that said, I soooo look forward to building friendships. I want to be a sister to another sister or brother. As for the latter, I want to feel confident and blessed that I can speak into the life of a brother, and be friends without the stigma of being a single chick in my 20s entails. My only regret is while I wish for these things, I still can’t help but wonder on my own behalf but I guess that’s natural. What fun is there in knowing my own destiny? Haha!

I’m just so grateful that God has spoken directly to my heart to teach me the things I wouldn’t have known otherwise. The very little that I know pales in comparison to what I’ll learn in the future, no doubt, but without it I don’t even know where I’d be or the person I’d be.

I do know, though, that above all else I just want a clean heart.

And a smart brain.

Morning Praise & Worship :)

Uh, hi…:)?

Ya know what sucks? Not updating blogs. It bites a million, lol!

Anyway my 1 year anniversary of this blog is coming up in a couple months! It genuinely feels weird, especially since it was quite a whimish (<— not a word, ha) yet deliberate undertaking. I am one. Since November I’ve been one plus some. Now, in mid April, I am (or about to be in a day or two) about to become one again.Well, unless you count my cat.

Before I start sounding too crazy, I’m referring to living on my own, back with family, then on my own again, lol

It really is a scary thing in a sense, even for an introvert like myself, but I find myself craving my oneness once again. What made it worse last year is I was literally in the desert with no faces like my own. My days consisted of going to work, sleeping, eating, annoying the people at Barnes & Noble (hey, I may have stayed there longer than most customers *cough*eight+ hours*cough* but their Starbucks got tons of cash from me!), repeat.

Oh, and I didn’t go to church. That was tough. I loove church but alas, there were none in the area that lined up with my theology.

Anywho…it’s been less than a year since I’ve left but find myself making major leaps and bounds. I’ve never believed I had anything together, but I’m learning every day just how rough the “becoming” path truly is. It has very little to do with any significant other, past present or future. It has everything to do with how I treat my brothers and sisters, which in turn is adapted to any future undertaking. <– That was deeper than necessary. Lol, what it means is that “becoming” is part of becoming a new creature and producing fruits of the Spirit.

With allllllll of that said, this seems like an awesome time to introduce Christian apologetics. For some reason* it’s been on my mind and the last couple of weeks and months I keep randomly visiting one of my most favorite websites ever, CARM.org. If this website isn’t part of your favorites list or bookmarks, do it now. Now I say!

:::waits:::

Great! Okay, so what kind of person would I be to suggest a website without talking about it first? Da heck is a CARM anyway? Glad ya asked! CARM is an acronym for Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry. I’m a total Bible nerd and discovered this site in late high school. Note: I knew a lot about the Bible and was/am a born again Christian, but following in the footsteps of my legalistic upbringing I too was quite legalistic and primarily saw this wealth of information as ammo in printed form. Make no mistakes, it definitely is ammunition! However I used to sucker punch folks in the skull without being loving and using only the most selective critical thinking. I’m happy to say I appreciate the website more than ever and feel nothing but compassion for those I may happen to banter with, though that tends to happen more so amongst fellow Christians I know personally than over the web.

Since I still have your attention (hopefully!) I want to suggest a book I’ve been reading for a small group at church called Safe People. I signed a promise of confidentiality and won’t say anything further so as to not break any promises, but it’s much too good not to share the title and where to purchase it with you all. For $10 and some change, it’s a change indeed.

‘Tis all for now!

 

*I always say “for some reason” when I really mean God laid it on my heart. Don’t mind me.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hopefully some you went out and did something this past weekend, tonight or planning something special later this week. Mind you, this is supposed to be difficult–at first. Even though I’m now comfortable with my own company it’s natural to crave human interaction. It just something that happens when you’re made of flesh and bones!

I admit my own plans got derailed by an unexpected snowstorm but I haven’t given up yet! I have a movie excursion planned all for my lonesome.

‘Tis all for now.

Of course…RIP Whitney Houston: