It occurred to me yesterday that the Becoming the Right Person blog is now 3-year-old!
Wow…comparing my life three years ago to now, I feel as though I’ve lived an entire lifetime–or seven, lol. Let’s see, I moved about six times, changed jobs three times, reluctantly lived in four cities (between two states), started a nonprofit and sucker punched depression in the throat, POW!. Aaaand that’s just the major stuff! Around this time three years ago I was stuck in the desert both literally and figuratively, wanting to get back to my home city without any sort of inkling as to how that could happen and coming to understanding that I knew nothing about men, relationships or marriage. I never learned about boys or sex, and the idea of marriage was both attractive yet a giant question mark (some may argue that it’s still a giant question mark and that’s quite alright, lol).
For whatever reason, I felt a huge tug to set out to learn everything I had missed out on learning about. I was 23 at the time, and the task seemed extremely daunting–after all, my first real sex talk probably should have occurred maybe 15 years or so prior, complete with additional learning about it. I didn’t see it as such then, but I was embarking on learning years and years worth of lessons on my own, since I neither had a church where I lived in the desert or a married couple to defer to. It was exciting, the bookstore was calling my name everyday, but most of all it was daunting. I was super late to this new world and Facebook reminded me daily about my newly engaged, married and family-building friends, while I was busy reading up on it all without a single suitor in sight.
Fast forward and though much has changed, a lot has not as well. I’ve mostly traded the bookstore (expensive!) for my car radio, which stays on Moody Bible Radio for both nostalgic and learning purposes–I grew up listening to it thanks to a Christian school and Christian babysitter–but the program is chock full of family and marriage oriented material. I don’t agree with all of their programming, but none of what I disagree with is doctrinal in nature so it’s all good! I’ve learned a loooooot, though unfortunately I still don’t have a married couple to bombard with questions. Simply put, I don’t know what I don’t know, so everything seems like a big revelation, lol. Learning is fun though, so I don’t mind. Soon after I returned home (yay!), my church introduced a single’s ministry that I eventually felt a bit lukewarm toward, but it was nice knowing I was at least acknowledged as a person. Facebook is still teeming with newly engaged, married and family-building friends, and I am still very much single. That bothered me more in 2013 than now, which I had to dig deep into my heart to see what the real issue was. I had always wanted to be a fairly young wife and mother, but the closer the clock ticked to my 25th birthday the more suffocating it felt to realize that wasn’t going to happen. Like, not. at. all. Eek. Lol…I shared my feelings in a previous post on this as well, but coupled with the fact that I very rarely date and am not approached, being married and on my way to having mini me’s (or, mini him’s!) is just not something I see happening anytime soon. I am now 26, almost 27, and if were to meet a potential mate today, date for 1.5/2 years, allow a year or so for pre-marital counseling–which I think is far too long but that’s not here or there at the moment, lol–I’d be getting married at 30ish, with juniors likely making their grand entrance to the world around 32. While I would certainly be young in general terms, I think we can all agree that 32ish not a young mother. All of this is also under the assumption that Mr. Guy who approached me was, in fact, someone I could marry. Oy. Talk about a stretch considering my circumstances.
My primary goal now is shifting my perspective on what it means to be the “right person.” I still have a LOT to learn. I don’t necessarily believe everyone who desires marriage will be married, but I still try to share what I’ve learned/been learning with others and my tug to learn all I can may have been for the sole purpose of helping my fellow sisters. When I started the blog I thought my issue was mostly just learning wifely basics like cooking, checking my spiritual fruit to be sure it wasn’t rotten, and the life, and I still believe those things are very important. However something far more important rings true–when you choose to make God the center of your life and consciously decide to make striving for holiness a deliberate effort, you as the “right person” will shine through. Granted, there may be a specific person God says, “Yep, she will do well alright with this guy, their interests match wonderfully,” or something to that effect, we ultimately have our own choices to make and that person only becomes your soul mate once you are one through the covenant of marriage. Ultimately, the “right person” is someone who is consciously aware that being that person is something we strive to be, not arrive at to be swiftly taken off our feet and ride into the distance with Prince Charming. (Side note: the idea of a perfect mate or Prince Charming kind is the biggest turn off ever for me now! I used to want that guy in high school, but I realize now that with my own issues and downright spiritual ugliness within myself I’m working on, pairing my very imperfect self with someone perfect is akin to riding around in a late model Benz with a giant splat of bird poop on the windshield, lol!).
So, what have I learned in year 3? I’m not going backwards which is always a good thing, lol. I’ve learned that when God says He’s got me in His hands, not only is He not letting me go but I can’t even jump out of them if I wanted to. I want Him to be proud of me, I want Him to use me, and I thank Him for showing me I can still work for the kingdom even though I do not have a husband. Come on year 4! Next year at this time I will be 27, going on 28 and it’s so surreal! :) All in all I’m thankful that I even get the opportunity to learn so much truth. God is so good to us.
Edited to add: I still haven’t decided on whether or not I will reveal my identity now or in the future! I prefer anonymity, but I don’t know if I’ll feel that way forever. Stay tuned. :)