Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?
When I was 16, I got a purity ring.
And when I was 25, I took it off.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.
Soooo…I’m still going to Singles Ministry at church. For the past several months I’ve been wavering on continuing to attend, with the last two or three months being the toughest. Since it’s started I’ve only missed two meetings–one because I had to work, the other because I had a strange inkling doing so would be unsafe since I walk and take public transportation (thank You Holy Spirit for alerting me to whatever danger was lurking!).
First things first: I truly believe I’m supposed to be attending Singles, grudgingly or not. If you know my story of the past three years, the very fact that I’m writing this blog post from my hometown is nothing short of a miracle. Besides personal reasons, Christian singles and the general idea of singleness from both an economical and social standpoint have been a fascinating focus and one I can honestly say are probably supernaturally driven.
My attendance has become of the grudgingly sort because I’d like to join and have tried for some time, but I’m not connecting. Unfortunately the way the buses run I get there after it’s started, and when it ends my ride isn’t very nice about me wasting any time leaving, lol, so I don’t have time to physically approach anyone. Also, some of the things in recent meetings straight up irked me as well, namely the singles-have-so-much-free-time-and-can-do-what-they-wanna mantra. While I agree that if a friend invited me to lunch I could theoretically just, well, go (sorta), or if I wanted to go on a nature walk for an hour by myself I can just grab my coat, or wanted cheese puffs for a snack I can head out the door, during one of our singles meetings it was said that we have the freedom to move–as in to another city–whenever we want. I’m beginning to notice some married folks say things of this nature, or that I have the freedom to buy a house if I want, or I can dump money into another degree or a business venture at my own whim, ect…
Free time argument aside, since it’s suuuper subjective though it’s obvious those without pressing responsibilities theoretically have more time to spare…I really with the singles-can-do-what-they-wanna mantra would die a slow death.
Why?
Because you can’t.
No, you cannot.
Yes. YOU. Reading this post.
One of the main things that stick out to me about the various people in the Bible is the burdens many of them carried for whatever reason. Sometimes I ask for forgiveness for being a mini Jeremiah after getting a bit preachy–I can’t always hold in the fire, lol! But Jeremiah, the first man Adam and many others had jobs as singles, and were subject to God regardless. I in no way think I’m comparable to these mighty men of God, but am likewise subject to Him as a single woman. Even though we may not have family obligations and other issues holding us back, as a single it’s not the greatest idea to buy a one-way ticket to Cancun tomorrow because the wind blew north this afternoon.
Wow…Cancun sounds reaaally nice right about now…*clears throat* Ahem…as I was saying (haha), simply put we need to allow God to order our steps:
As a single, DO ask God what you should do and what directions to go in. If He says no, obey what He says. Remember Noah? Ha!
As a single, practice submitting honorably whether talking to a police officer during a traffic stop or being asked by your boss to do a task that’s genuinely beneath your skills.
As a single, be careful not to let bad habits take foothold because no one’s there to lift an eyebrow.
As a single, SERVE. Service is showing love. I’m not just talking about the Sunday morning ministry kind of service. Serve by giving in for no reason in particular–always getting our way isn’t always the best for character building. Serve by thinking how your talents, abilities and available resources can help those around you. A while ago I wrote a post about the movie The Secret Life of Bees. Even though the movie itself was so-so, what stuck out to me most was the part when the little girl asked one of sisters why their house was an OOGLY (not ugly, oogly…lol) shade of pink. She said it was simply because one of her other sisters liked the color, and sometimes we do things to brings others joy. Now, this doesn’t mean you go painting your house an ugly shade of pink, hahahaa…but keep in mind being right, getting what we want or fulfilling selfish needs will eventually get very old no whether single or married.
At my church we sing a song that goes, “My life is not my own/to You I belong/I give myself/I give myself to You”. If you’re a Christian you’ve been redeemed for a hefty price–Jesus’ sinless life. It may not always be easy, but as an adopted son or daughter in the kingdom, God has a plan for each of our lives. I can only speak for myself, but as much as I’d like to move it’s not in God’s plan for me right now. There are a host of other things I’d like to do, but again, not part of His plan. Even so, I’m eternally grateful for the plans He does have.
If you’re single and reading this, I won’t pretend to know how you feel, or how frustrating it may be to feel unsure about the next stage in your life because you’ve allowed God to be the commander of your ship. Just know that He loves you and just like some earthly dads give their kids wisdom and direction because they want what’s best for you, God is the same! 
Be blessed y’all!
I’m still here!
I’ve been working feverishly to get my business off the ground and sorta kinda put Becoming the Right Person on the back burner. I’m proud to say time out is now over, though I’m still dedicating much of my free time to my business. If you’ve been following this blog, it wasn’t started as some lame attempt to be pseudo spiritual–I was literally in the middle of nowhere when the idea to create a blog about how to prepare for marriage came to mind. Little did I know that there were others like myself, and there are several networks of people dedicated to the same endeavor. When I get around to it, I’ll create a link page to help keep the networking going!!
Okay, so with my pathetic excuse for being absent out of the way (lol), here are a couple things I’m pondering:
Whether to remain anonymous: I started this blog anonymously because I couldn’t see the benefit of identifying myself. Also, along with a lot of great advice about preparing for the marriage the Christian way, there’s a lot of terrible advice out there too. While I don’t quite call what I blog about “advice”–I’m in the dark and learning as I go along, then record it all here–I didn’t want it to be misconstrued as such and on top of that brand myself. I want Jesus to shine through, not my name or my mug.
What potential segments to add/take away: I have a deep, deeeeep respect for the institution of marriage, and don’t want anything to potentially upstage the topic of this blog. God is absolutely amazing, and among other reasons created marriage to mirror His relationship with us. He thinks so highly of lil ol’ us that He literally created a smaller, yet powerfully unique representation of a plan He’s had for eternity–wowzers. When you think about marriage in that sense, it kinda makes you more cognizant of the challenges, sacrifices and joys it will brings during our time on earth. With allllllll of that said, I also want to add productive content. I did Good Men Monday for a while, but stopped for several reasons including it being a little too left field for my taste. Looks like I shall ponder this as well! lol…
*Le sigh*
I’ll have to ponder/pray on that one and get back to you all.
Since creating this blog in 2011, I took a much more spiritual maturity centered approach to the idea of becoming the right person. Besides having everything to do with becoming spiritually mature, I felt my idea of working toward being the kind of spouse I would want (and I’m sure many readers’ idea as well) was much to “stuff” centered.
What do I mean by this?
At first, knowing how to cook (and, taking care of the household in general), dress, communicate, ect…seemed to be numero uno priorities to work on. Now, I’m not saying they’re not important, but I was forgetting something–the heart.
Chef Ramsay of the television show Hell’s Kitchen surely knows how to cook. Heidi Klum, a fashion model, knows how to dress. Howard Stern, the radio host known for his rated R worthy comments knows how to communicate. Their problem though–Chef Ramsay being a rather (verbally) nasty guy, Heidi Klum in the middle of a divorce was already with a new guy, and Stern…well, his R rated comments say enough–isn’t in what they can do. They are all extremely talented people, so much so they rake in hefty paychecks on a regular basis. The problem is their hearts. All that we do or say without love is nothing but an offensive noise (I Corinthians 13). With God Himself being love, anything without Him as the source of our inspiration is nothingness.
With alllllll of that said, that is the reason behind being inspired to backtrack to the basics. I can study, research and write about becoming the right person, a person a man would want to marry, all day long, but if my heart isn’t right I’m just making noise and blowing hot air.
If you’ve noticed in my last post, I’m sort of returning to the practical (being a steward over our bodies as well as our finances). I’ll also be sure to include more fitness and clothing related posts this year, though mingled in with all of that other stuff.
How is the new year going for you so far?
Great?
Terrible?
Somewhere in between?
No matter where you are, I hope you keep in your head and heart that “becoming” is a process! It will always have that “-ing” at the end, meaning it’s a verb and constantly changing, constantly happening.
One of the things I’ve really been thinking about lately is stewardship. Most times when I hear about stewardship, especially in church, is when it has to do with managing our earnings or something related. Being a health freak though, I put as much importance on my health and vigor as well. Our bodies are temples (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), and while we should not prioritize the focus on our bodies for the sake of vanity, we should do what we can for the sake of our health.
Semi-confession: I was dealt a very low blow on just the second day of the year, and will take some time to recover. I immediately had a identity crisis of sorts, but shortly thereafter remembered my identity is not determined by anything I do on this earth. Yours isn’t either! We are commissioned by God to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28), and we are endowed with gifts from the Holy Spirit Himself (1 Corinthians 12). Depending on our gifts and our calling, God will provide the necessary provisions for us to complete our assignments. That doesn’t mean, however, that our own wills won’t or can’t hijack what we were called to do. What I’m getting at is, unforeseen illnesses such as cancer aside, we have a live a life constantly preparing for service. As stewards over our bodies, we must do our best to stay healthy and take care of bodies.
There’s a passage in the Bible where the Apostle Paul talks about some of the misfortunes he’s had while traveling the ancient Roman empire (II Corinthians 11:21-29). It. Is. Intense. Brother man showed true dedication: shipwrecked, beaten, jailed, the list goes on and on. Through it all–and I’m obviously not positive of this since I was clearly born in the 20th century–I’m sure Paul didn’t treat his body any old kind of way. He already had enough people on his back (sometimes, literally!) to do himself in with a terrible lifestyle. That’s what using stewardship in our lives is, being in positive control over what God has entrusted us with.
So…what does this all have to do with becoming the right person?
Glad you asked!
First and foremost, being a steward is about responsibility, of course. It’s not so much about being a perfect steward (impossible!) as much as knowing the steps to take to become the best one you can be. Remember, “becoming” is a verb that as long as we live, will never end. Also, it helps us to keep a double checking-like attitude about things. Sure, an outfit may look “hot” but what–or who–are you trying to sizzle? If you wouldn’t key a brand new car you just bought, a machine that loses value as soon as it pulls off the lot and will end up in a junk yard one day, why dress your body in any old kind of thing? Manage your body well!
As a young person myself, I’m still learning what being a good manager entails. It’s okay to mess up, just keep a repentant and honest heart that doesn’t want to break God’s heart.
The year is almost done!
And if you believe that doomsday Dec. 21 nonsense, then we’ll be kissing our butts goodbye in about two weeks too! Haha.
Today is bittersweet–while excited for the future, I had to miss this month’s singles group at church. I’m actually off on Fridays and spent the day just kind of winding down, but due to not having a car and the darkness I felt nervous for my safety. Even in the summer I still had twilight to work with, but combined with the fact I also have no one to tell my whereabouts to I didn’t want to push it. 
Anyway, enough about me. How are YOU doing?
This blog is about a year and a half old now. *Yay!* I’m just me, and I sincerely hope I’ve helped some of you out there! If you’re new, I started this blog on a semi-whim (i.e. felt compelled to begin writing out of the blue, and living 1400 miles away).
The reason I ask how you’re doing is because as a single, there’s something about this time of year that heightens our senses. All right, so you may be okay with the family festivities, but coming home to a dark and empty apartment physically stings. Maybe the festivities are okay and you’re satisfied with Sparky the Dog greeting you at the door, but the silence thunders in your ears and the cold bed sheets taunt your skin when you climb in to bed. I have large, beautiful windows that allow me to see families with their Christmas trees and such in their own windows across from my own complex. All of these things combined can make for a miserable holiday season, not to mention how retailers now seem get a running start on Valentine’s Day shortly after the silver ball drops in Times Square!
As much as you may be at peace with the Lord, these things may still bother you–and that’s okay. God saw Adam’s lack in the garden (Gen. 2:18), so don’t feel as though you’re going about you’re yearnings wrong. The key is to keep yourself second so that God and His glory will manifest through you. There’s a really cool testimony-based ministry called “I am Second” that greatly helps to keep things in perspective. When we submit to God’s will, we find ourselves sincerely wanting what He deems what’s best for us. Why? Because whatever we think is for us according to our own understanding will never be enough, fulfill, sustain, ect…it keeps us saying, “What’s next Lord? What do You have for me?” when some things don’t necessarily feels so great.
Single to single, I sincerely urge you to not deaden yourself to what you’re feeling. To feel is to be human, after all. Strive to keep yourself second, petition the Lord about what He has for you to do with your time. If it be God’s will to pair you in the ministry of marriage with another person, we’ll need that passion, dedication and desire to serve and love.
That’s all.
Oh, and I posted a link a few posts down to a very good article about loneliness you may want to check out. It’s written by someone in our boat as well. Here it is: The “Gift” of Loneliness
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!
BTW (and for no reason in particular, lol), this is what I was listening to while I wrote this post…on repeat, of course!
I was considering writing a whole new post on loneliness, but I like the one below so much I wanted to leave it up for you all. I have to keep myself *from* writing too much or end up with a post anyway, lol, but it would have been titled “A Not-So-Merry Christmas?” but I’ll chill for now!
Here it is: The “Gift” of Loneliness
Also, as usual I’m trying out some new things here. You might a see a few layout changes, but don’t mind me! I’m also making it a priority to go back to the basics with the new “What is Marriage?” tab at the top. There are a few more in the works as well. That one has been written for a while, but as a Bible nerd with Jeremiah syndrome it was written quickly and I didn’t initially trust it, lol. Tell me if you find any problems!
I came across this article about a week ago and it’s a good read!
Here goes –> The Gift of Loneliness
The article is a little more than six years old, but it’s still relevant! What I especially like is that it’s written by a single who adequately describes the pangs of loneliness.
While I appreciate the wealth of advice and guidance from married couples, it can be disheartening to hear things along the lines of not being content or joyful enough, or that I should just seek more fulfillment from friends and family. I love the Lord with my entire heart, and I can sincerely say if it is my destiny to remain single and dedicated to Him then I’m ready. HoweeEeever, nowhere in the Bible does Paul say feeling lonely, “in the mood” or the desire for marriage leaves those who are single, or whether it even completely left him. He does say that serving the Lord, however, it part of the good fight.
Okay, okay…where was I?
Sorry, lol.
Oh yeah, sometimes it can be hard to hear I’m not doing (fill in the blank) enough. Truthfully I can do a LOT of things better actually–I’m a human in a corruptible body fighting a renewed mind over the last say and fail miserably much more than I’d like to.
Simply put, God is in control. This is no excuse to be a hot mess, of course, but He transformed people throughout the Bible into the person He wanted them to be. The Apostle Paul went from a cold-blooded murderer of Christians to one of our faith’s most loyal servants in a matter of days. In the Old Testament, Gideon went from nobody to a warrior. It took some pruning, of course, but it’s encouragement to not focus on ourselves so much as keeping our eyes on Jesus and pouring our energy into pleasing Him. In doing that, everything else will fall in line.
Went off on a tangent again. Just read the article.
So, I meant to write something on my birthday. It’s still October though, so it somewhat counts, right?
For my readers on this same journey, especially those older than me, it’s kind of hard not to get mentally selfish and think of myself in terms of my age (25). I’m young, yes, but this is also a moment in time where a lot of us diverge from the expectations of our early youth. I went to grade school as expected, graduated from high school as expected and went to college too. I nabbed my first job not too soon after college graduation, again, satisfying others’ expectations.
But then I stopped short.
As a single and especially as a woman, I’ve noticed my overall “value” so to speak has gone down significantly. I’m speaking generally here of course, lol, but it seems to be not okay for women to be single beyond a certain point whereas men are assumed to be playing the field and/or using his spare time to become more desirable in some way. I don’t say this out of envy–that assumption actually kinds of stinks for my Christian brothers in we look at it from a worldly point of view. I can only speak as a member of the opposite sex though.
I admit this all kind of freaks me out since I’m not all that old really. In fact a coworker joked he still had a pair of shoes he bought the same year I was born, hahahaaa. I guess it’s just the curiosity in me is straight up stumped. My singleness is out of my power until God says “when” and until then/if that happens, I’ll humbly serve Him in my new capacity.
This song was one of my favorites as a little girl, and I just randomly began singing it.
