Yeah, so digging and filling ditches is apparently really hard to do.

Figuratively, of course.

I’m referring to money, a really scary topic for mid-twentyers for the last several years (not a word but let’s roll with it). For me what’s toughest is knowing all of my issues were due to ignorance and general stupidity–I picked up habits ingrained in my family despite otherwise being the “responsible one” in our clan. At the same time though, I have meager solace in knowing my issues just came from living. No partying it up for me, just desperately trying not to starve while making minimum wage in my career field.

My greatest worry is how this looks to people, specifically people who are not women or children (hint: men, lol). I’ve forgiven myself, but I’ve come to several realizations in this journey: 1.) My husband is/will be a great man and I’m not just saying that. I’ve been through the wringer way too much for him to be an average joe with average aspirations, and I don’t mean that in a demeaning way at all. In fact along with really getting into my prayer life more, I pray for him daily…whomever he may be. 2.) Worrying does nothing to help me. I have favor, and God loves me regardless of what I feel.

And with alllll of that, I made a tentative financial plan. It wasn’t easy making one since things tend to look more of a long shot than a sure thing for me, but here goes!

1.) Credit building — the easiest one, amazingly.

2.) Wealth building — specifically for my children. Besides my regular saving, I want to contribute to a Roth IRA in their names specifically for when they have families. This will be in addition to the funds saved up for their education, which I’m hoping will be 50 percent funded by my husband and I and the rest from scholarships and grants, should they choose college or trade school. If they choose neither of those options, the money can be used for a business already seeing moderate success as a start up and needing the funds to back it.

3.) Shunning 401k savingfor shame you say?! The prognosis on 401k saving is actually quite poor for the majority of people with this plan, and on top of that there are many rules and regulations governing it. I’ll likely delve into this in some future post on finances though. I do have one, but once my company stops matching it I’m going to stop funding it. Instead, I’m going to save a significant amount toward a high earning savings account and the rest will be invested, put into the account, then reinvested on a rolling basis.

4.) Building my own home — yes, really! It’s really been on my heart to buy land and build our home for a really long time. I’m not sure where this random idea came from, but I do love home and interior design. Some of my favorite websites are ApartmentTherapy, Houzz, DreamHomeSource, YoungHouseLove, Ana-White, Manhattan-Nest, Centsational-Girl … aaaand a bazillion others. :) Ana White is amazing–not only did she build her own home, but she and her husband literally built it themselves and are working on a home for her mother. Oh yeah, and she’s doing this while pregnant with their second child. Talk about dedication!

5.) Learning efficiently — I didn’t get this the first time around, and wish I could give my 16 and 17-year-old selves a really big hug. I’ve been on my own financially and otherwise for a really long time. It hurts. With that said I’m glad to have discovered it’s not left field to have multiple interests, one being to inspire young girls! I’m currently enrolled in school for an associates in Sports and Exercise Studies to go with my personal trainer certification which I am also working toward and plan to take the test for in December. Once I get a sound footing I’m also going to enroll for my master’s in Food & Nutrition. I’m doing all of this slowly, paying for it out of pocket. I really hate student loans!

6.) Save, save, save. — Saving. :)

I’m also in the process of figuring out how to increase my income for the sake of saving, which has been really difficult. I work in the field where my work day can change at any time, meaning another static gig is out of the question. I have a couple plans under my sleeve though, and hopefully they work out!

That’s all for now. Ciao. :)

I mentioned in my previous post that I took a summer long break from this blog while dealing with self esteem issues, though I’m still not totally sure if that’s what I want to call it.

If you’ve been reading for the 2+ years I’ve written here (time flies!), I didn’t exactly start the blog on purpose. While living in the desert (literally) and no prospects in sight, I felt the sudden urge to research as much as I could about marriage after stumbling upon a really great sermon on the topic. Fast forward, and I’m still living in the desert (figuratively) and still with no prospects in sight, lol!! I can honestly say I’ve grown up a lot, and the scope of this blog shifts, ebbs and flows.

Getting to the point, I’m guilty of setting mental milestones for myself. Now I’m not at all opposed to mental milestones, but I made the mistake of making them on my own terms. See…in about a month I will be 26 years old. It had always been a desire of mine to be a young wife and mother, and it took some mental gymnastics to realize this was one of the reasons why I was struggling with my emotions at times this year. Some people reading this are going, “What?!?! That’s it?! You have your whooole life ahead of you, get over yourself.” and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with them. I suppose in my case coupled with the fact that I’ve never quite been in a serious relationship, am very rarely approached (and only by non-Christian men) and the fact that say I were to meet a godly, Christian man tomorrow, I would likely be pushing 28 or 29 before we got married–and that’s pending he truly is my husband. I’ve never written out any crazy timelines or anything like that, but as much as I hate to say it I sort of feel forgotten about.

Don’t get me wrong–I love the Lord, and have since I was a little girl. In fact I believe one of the reasons He spoke to my heart at such a young age was because I didn’t have direction growing up or even now. I never learned about boys, cooking or how to be a wife from anyone in particular. I was (and still am) a Bible nerd, and I never understood why I was/am so different from everyone else my age. I’ve made some very ugly mistakes, but I’m certain if it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit’s guidance throughout my formative years I would lost. He raised me, and for that I’m also grateful for along with my salvation at the tender age of 6. :)

In my heart, I know God has never left me and never will. He’s shown me a glimpse of my future, and I can’t wait to get there.

And…regardless of how things pan out for me, I will always love my Father. :)

So, how do people celebrate 26th birthdays? I’ve never really done anything for my birthday before, and that includes my 13, 16, 18, 21 and 25th birthdays. On my 21st, which was a Friday, I worked all day and fell asleep at 11 p.m. I know, I know…such a wild woman, lol.

Wow, interesting summer indeed.

…and it’s not over, yikes. :)

I’m just going to get right to it since it’s been a while since I’ve written here. Truth be told I won’t say I lost interest in this blog, but rather my self esteem was treading murky waters. I’m still not sure if I even have the right, insight or foresight to comment on this topic, but then again it wasn’t my idea to start it anyway, lol.

Back in June I met a guy. Or, rather, he met me. I was leaving the gym and walking my bike to the street when he walked over and started a conversation. He was very smart (in school studying mechanical engineering after spending time in the military), engaging, charming and not bad looking at all either.

My guard was (very reluctantly) up. I did give him my number though.

Now, because of my work schedule I can’t always communicate with people in a time frame that makes sense, unfortunately. I may every intention of responding to a text, email, phone call, ect…but I can get so weary the simple act of sitting down somewhere for too long can be ticket to the next day (i.e. I go to sleep quickly, haha!).

Anyway, this guy was very persistent with me, which I liked*. We never had a real date, but rather I responded to a text from him about where I was (downtown) and asked if he wanted to come for awhile too. I was planning on going on a bike run later that day and was in full gear, but was spending time at a fair/party on the square. When he arrived I knew I was in trouble…he was in summer date attire. The weather eventually took a turn for the worse–canceling my bike ride–and fast forwarding to a couple hours later, he finally got the (sort of) date he was looking for. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, but it also left me on edge*.

The most interesting part was learning a few things about myself: if given the chance, I will witness to just about anyone. During our conversation I learned he was a former Black Muslim* then a fundamental Muslim and while he really liked church, he wasn’t committed to any particular beliefs. I then spent about 20 minutes telling him about Jesus, and not on purpose. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but the way it just flowed out of me was a sign from the Holy Spirit I needed to focus.

After that day I still spoke to him a few times, but eventually kind of just stopped. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, it was because I *DID* but he was demanding too much intimacy from me and had already proved he wasn’t who God wanted me to be with from previous conversations. Now, when I say intimacy I just don’t mean sex even though he did invite me over several times. That’s actually what scared me the most because I’m not used to being approached, and I don’t want to react like an idiot. Every so often a man will approach, be normal in most respects, allude to sexual intimacy way too often for my liking and then really does provide a way of escape for me. All I have to do is choose it even though as a fully functional 25-year-old woman, the general message of the masses is I should give in to sex and enjoy being young. I wish I could say I completely balk at an opportunity that comes my way to have sex, but unless it’s some random cat caller on the street I’ve never actually done that. I’ve always declined, but I don’t recall ever giving a flat out “no.” In fact, even though I’m a virgin I’ve been very disappointed in myself for getting dangerously close to a “yes” on several occasions.

And yes, you read that correctly: a 25-year-old virgin. I’m also African American and was born, raised and currently reside in the inner city.

I also have a pet unicorn named Mindy.

Just kidding. :) About the unicorn, that is.

But anyway, back to the intimacy thing: I can’t simply let go what I work so very hard to not only keep safe, but obtain from God. I don’t mean this in some theological, super deep way either–I long for God. I also believe all humans long for God, as He created the idea of a “relationship” and we spent a great deal of time making lateral ones through boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, pets…whomever…rather than establishing a vertical, permanent one to Abba (God the Father aka Dad). I looove worship music, and if you do too you’ve probably noticed the trend that we’re always longing after God, chasing after God, welcoming God to the atmosphere and the like. Even though the veil in the temple was ripped when Jesus died, giving everyone direct access to Him, intimacy doesn’t just happen. We have to pursue it. With alllll that said, *our date left me on edge because I want my future husband, especially in our early stages, to push me toward our God. On our impromptu date no explicit conversation happened, but a few things caught my attention besides him not being a Christian. Don’t worry, there is a ginormous plank in my own eye and I have no qualms about going in on myself here, but I want to use an analogy a missionary friend of mine used to describe one of the prime difference between someone chasing after holiness and someone who isn’t:

Imagine a tunnel with two open ends, and you, a saved Christian and an unsaved person are standing in the middle holding a suspended rope. At one end is an endless pit of inky darkness, and on the other end is pure light. From where you are, both ends are not visible and you might as well be blind. Thankfully, your ears are working and you hear God calling from the lit end. And, unfortunately, since your ears are working, you also hear pleasurable yet superficial things on the other end. A Christian trying to walk in holiness will follow God’s voice, but will always feel the tug of the rope encouraging us to backtrack to the other end. Just like in a game of tug-o-war, you’ll lose ground and fall, but you still get up and walk steadily to the end with light, ultimately following God’s voice above all the other ones–we recognize our Father’s voice and settle for nothing less! The unsaved person does hear God’s voice, but the other sounds are deafening. They feel the tug of the rope, but because they don’t know the difference they head in the direction that’s both easiest and doesn’t sound all that bad. The great thing is, everyone has admired God’s handiwork even if they don’t want to admit it. An unsaved person may wake up extra early one morning and curse God, look out the window and see the magnificent colors the morning brings, have a fleeting thought that, “Wow…could the big bang really make something so beautiful?”, but again feel the tug of being inconvenienced and keep walking to the dark end of the tunnel. Now, I too get annoyed at waking too early on a day I really need it, but when I see the morning and hear the birds sing it just does something to my heart. It is these moments of reflection that makes no one a lost cause.

I love this analogy because it doesn’t paint a picture of a perfect Christian. Speaking for myself, if I’m not deliberate in my relationship with Christ I’m just one smooth talking guy away from heartache and maybe even a baby. It is this deliberateness that I not only find attractive in a Christian man, but will make my Father proud of me when I keep it at the forefront of my relationship with Him.

Did I mention all of this is hard?!?!

Yeah, cuz it is!

Wanting to do what’s right is difficult because our earthly bodies have yet to catch up with our new minds. Our bodies want to do things that our minds are utterly disgusted by, and we disciplining ourselves to not give into it can be a struggle.

On my impromptu date, I kept feeling a “tug” in the direction leading away from God. *It was just a subtle one, like when he apologized for using a curse word while getting very exciting story. I accepted the apology, actually wasn’t too offended but instead of seeing it as an opportunity to calm down, he saw it as a green light to insert a curse word into every other word in each sentence from there on out. I almost wanted to ask him if he was related to the late Richard Pryor! *I also felt a tug when he mentioned he used to be Muslim, because those guys tend to be extremely intelligent when it comes to knowing Islam and Christianity. I knew that if his heart truly did skew more so into the realm of being a non-committed Muslim rather than an agnostic (or theist) who like Christian church, I was really in for a mental battle. At this point I knew this date was fruitless and I was now concerned about the impact it may be having on well, my life in general. I was also torn because as I said before, I really liked him.

Long story short, as I said before I did have contact with him a few times afterward and he even tried meeting up with me again. Each time he asked me to come over, and each time I brushed him off. He eventually stopped contacting me. I don’t give myself any sort of applause though. I see experiences like these like hanging off the edge of a cliff and grabbing the hand of a rescuer just as before your last finger slips.

Before I finish (sorry for the length), I want to add that another things helped me tremendously was finally making my list of what I’d like in a husband about a year ago. When I began this blog, I was still uncomfortable with making one because I didn’t feel like I had any right to do so. I now know that the purpose of the list isn’t to hand it off to God like He’s some Santa Claus, but so I can stay focused. One of the things on my list is a man who’s really into health and wellness. If I meet someone who’d rather camp out on the couch all day and refuses to do otherwise, he’s probably not for me. In addition to my list, I’ve also made one for expectations for myself too. I’ll write about that too sometime. :)

‘Til next time!

 

B.:

Excellent post! A definite must read.

Originally posted on Grace for the road:

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.

And when I was 25, I took it off.

I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.

“True Love Waits.” Waits.

What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

*****

I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.

But there’s something bigger behind it than that.

Much bigger.

There are a lot of girls out there…

View original 885 more words

Soooo…I’m still going to Singles Ministry at church. For the past several months I’ve been wavering on continuing to attend, with the last two or three months being the toughest. Since it’s started I’ve only missed two meetings–one because I had to work, the other because I had a strange inkling doing so would be unsafe since I walk and take public transportation (thank You Holy Spirit for alerting me to whatever danger was lurking!).red-circle-slash-0

First things first: I truly believe I’m supposed to be attending Singles, grudgingly or not. If you know my story of the past three years, the very fact that I’m writing this blog post from my hometown is nothing short of a miracle. Besides personal reasons, Christian singles and the general idea of singleness from both an economical and social standpoint have been a fascinating focus and one I can honestly say are probably supernaturally driven.

My attendance has become of the grudgingly sort because I’d like to join and have tried for some time, but I’m not connecting. Unfortunately the way the buses run I get there after it’s started, and when it ends my ride isn’t very nice about me wasting any time leaving, lol, so I don’t have time to physically approach anyone. Also, some of the things in recent meetings straight up irked me as well, namely the singles-have-so-much-free-time-and-can-do-what-they-wanna mantra. While I agree that if a friend invited me to lunch I could theoretically just, well, go (sorta), or if I wanted to go on a nature walk for an hour by myself I can just grab my coat, or wanted cheese puffs for a snack I can head out the door, during one of our singles meetings it was said that we have the freedom to move–as in to another city–whenever we want. I’m beginning to notice some married folks say things of this nature, or that I have the freedom to buy a house if I want, or I can dump money into another degree or a business venture at my own whim, ect…

Free time argument aside, since it’s suuuper subjective though it’s obvious those without pressing responsibilities theoretically have more time to spare…I really with the singles-can-do-what-they-wanna mantra would die a slow death.

Why?

Because you can’t.

No, you cannot.

Yes. YOU. Reading this post.

One of the main things that stick out to me about the various people in the Bible is the burdens many of them carried for whatever reason. Sometimes I ask for forgiveness for being a mini Jeremiah after getting a bit preachy–I can’t always hold in the fire, lol! But Jeremiah, the first man Adam and many others had jobs as singles, and were subject to God regardless. I in no way think I’m comparable to these mighty men of God, but am likewise subject to Him as a single woman. Even though we may not have family obligations and other issues holding us back, as a single it’s not the greatest idea to buy a one-way ticket to Cancun tomorrow because the wind blew north this afternoon.

Wow…Cancun sounds reaaally nice right about now…*clears throat* Ahem…as I was saying (haha), simply put we need to allow God to order our steps:

As a single, DO ask God what you should do and what directions to go in. If He says no, obey what He says. Remember Noah? Ha!

As a single, practice submitting honorably whether talking to a police officer during a traffic stop or being asked by your boss to do a task that’s genuinely beneath your skills.

As a single, be careful not to let bad habits take foothold because no one’s there to lift an eyebrow.

As a single, SERVE. Service is showing love. I’m not just talking about the Sunday morning ministry kind of service. Serve by giving in for no reason in particular–always getting our way isn’t always the best for character building. Serve by thinking how your talents, abilities and available resources can help those around you. A while ago I wrote a post about the movie The Secret Life of Bees. Even though the movie itself was so-so, what stuck out to me most was the part when the little girl asked one of sisters why their house was an OOGLY (not ugly, oogly…lol) shade of pink. She said it was simply because one of her other sisters liked the color, and sometimes we do things to brings others joy. Now, this doesn’t mean you go painting your house an ugly shade of pink, hahahaa…but keep in mind being right, getting what we want or fulfilling selfish needs will eventually get very old no whether single or married.

At my church we sing a song that goes, “My life is not my own/to You I belong/I give myself/I give myself to You”. If you’re a Christian you’ve been redeemed for a hefty price–Jesus’ sinless life. It may not always be easy, but as an adopted son or daughter in the kingdom, God has a plan for each of our lives. I can only speak for myself, but as much as I’d like to move it’s not in God’s plan for me right now. There are a host of other things I’d like to do, but again, not part of His plan. Even so, I’m eternally grateful for the plans He does have.

If you’re single and reading this, I won’t pretend to know how you feel, or how frustrating it may be to feel unsure about the next stage in your life because you’ve allowed God to be the commander of your ship. Just know that He loves you and just like some earthly dads give their kids wisdom and direction because they want what’s best for you, God is the same! :)

Be blessed y’all!

I’m still here! :)

I’ve been working feverishly to get my business off the ground and sorta kinda put Becoming the Right Person on the back burner. I’m proud to say time out is now over, though I’m still dedicating much of my free time to my business. If you’ve been following this blog, it wasn’t started as some lame attempt to be pseudo spiritual–I was literally in the middle of nowhere when the idea to create a blog about how to prepare for marriage came to mind. Little did I know that there were others like myself, and there are several networks of people dedicated to the same endeavor. When I get around to it, I’ll create a link page to help keep the networking going!!

Okay, so with my pathetic excuse for being absent out of the way (lol), here are a couple things I’m pondering:

Whether to remain anonymous: I started this blog anonymously because I couldn’t see the benefit of identifying myself. Also, along with a lot of great advice about preparing for the marriage the Christian way, there’s a lot of terrible advice out there too. While I don’t quite call what I blog about “advice”–I’m in the dark and learning as I go along, then record it all here–I didn’t want it to be misconstrued as such and on top of that brand myself. I want Jesus to shine through, not my name or my mug.

What potential segments to add/take away: I have a deep, deeeeep respect for the institution of marriage, and don’t want anything to potentially upstage the topic of this blog. God is absolutely amazing, and among other reasons created marriage to mirror His relationship with us. He thinks so highly of lil ol’ us that He literally created a smaller, yet powerfully unique representation of a plan He’s had for eternity–wowzers. When you think about marriage in that sense, it kinda makes you more cognizant of the challenges, sacrifices and joys it will brings during our time on earth. With allllllll of that said, I also want to add productive content. I did Good Men Monday for a while, but stopped for several reasons including it being a little too left field for my taste. Looks like I shall ponder this as well! lol…

*Le sigh*

:)

I’ll have to ponder/pray on that one and get back to you all.

Since creating this blog in 2011, I took a much more spiritual maturity centered approach to the idea of becoming the right person. Besides having everything to do with becoming spiritually mature, I felt my idea of working toward being the kind of spouse I would want (and I’m sure many readers’ idea as well) was much to “stuff” centered.

What do I mean by this?

At first, knowing how to cook (and, taking care of the household in general), dress, communicate, ect…seemed to be numero uno priorities to work on. Now, I’m not saying they’re not important, but I was forgetting something–the heart.

Chef Ramsay of the television show Hell’s Kitchen surely knows how to cook. Heidi Klum, a fashion model, knows how to dress. Howard Stern, the radio host known for his rated R worthy comments knows how to communicate. Their problem though–Chef Ramsay being a rather (verbally) nasty guy, Heidi Klum in the middle of a divorce was already with a new guy, and Stern…well, his R rated comments say enough–isn’t in what they can do. They are all extremely talented people, so much so they rake in hefty paychecks on a regular basis. The problem is their hearts. All that we do or say without love is nothing but an offensive noise (I Corinthians 13). With God Himself being love, anything without Him as the source of our inspiration is nothingness.

With alllllll of that said, that is the reason behind being inspired to backtrack to the basics. I can study, research and write about becoming the right person, a person a man would want to marry, all day long, but if my heart isn’t right I’m just making noise and blowing hot air.

If you’ve noticed in my last post, I’m sort of returning to the practical (being a steward over our bodies as well as our finances). I’ll also be sure to include more fitness and clothing related posts this year, though mingled in with all of that other stuff. :)

How is the new year going for you so far?

Great?

Terrible?

Somewhere in between?

No matter where you are, I hope you keep in your head and heart that “becoming” is a process! It will always have that “-ing” at the end, meaning it’s a verb and constantly changing, constantly happening.

One of the things I’ve really been thinking about lately is stewardship. Most times when I hear about stewardship, especially in church, is when it has to do with managing our earnings or something related. Being a health freak though, I put as much importance on my health and vigor as well. Our bodies are temples (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), and while we should not prioritize the focus on our bodies for the sake of vanity, we should do what we can for the sake of our health.

Semi-confession: I was dealt a very low blow on just the second day of the year, and will take some time to recover. I immediately had a identity crisis of sorts, but shortly thereafter remembered my identity is not determined by anything I do on this earth. Yours isn’t either! We are commissioned by God to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28), and we are endowed with gifts from the Holy Spirit Himself (1 Corinthians 12). Depending on our gifts and our calling, God will provide the necessary provisions for us to complete our assignments. That doesn’t mean, however, that our own wills won’t or can’t hijack what we were called to do. What I’m getting at is, unforeseen illnesses such as cancer aside, we have a live a life constantly preparing for service. As stewards over our bodies, we  must do our best to stay healthy and take care of bodies.

There’s a passage in the Bible where the Apostle Paul talks about some of the misfortunes he’s had while traveling the ancient Roman empire (II Corinthians 11:21-29). It. Is. Intense. Brother man showed true dedication: shipwrecked, beaten, jailed, the list goes on and on. Through it all–and I’m obviously not positive of this since I was clearly born in the 20th century–I’m sure Paul didn’t treat his body any old kind of way. He already had enough people on his back (sometimes, literally!) to do himself in with a terrible lifestyle. That’s what using stewardship in our lives is, being in positive control over what God has entrusted us with.

So…what does this all have to do with becoming the right person?

Glad you asked! :)

First and foremost, being a steward is about responsibility, of course. It’s not so much about being a perfect steward (impossible!) as much as knowing the steps to take to become the best one you can be. Remember, “becoming” is a verb that as long as we live, will never end. Also, it helps us to keep a double checking-like attitude about things. Sure, an outfit may look “hot” but what–or who–are you trying to sizzle? If you wouldn’t key a brand new car you just bought, a machine that loses value as soon as it pulls off the lot and will end up in a junk yard one day, why dress your body in any old kind of thing? Manage your body well!

As a young person myself, I’m still learning what being a good manager entails. It’s okay to mess up, just keep a repentant and honest heart that doesn’t want to break God’s heart.

The year is almost done!

And if you believe that doomsday Dec. 21 nonsense, then we’ll be kissing our butts goodbye in about two weeks too! Haha.

Today is bittersweet–while excited for the future, I had to miss this month’s singles group at church. I’m actually off on Fridays and spent the day just kind of winding down, but due to not having a car and the darkness I felt nervous for my safety. Even in the summer I still had twilight to work with, but combined with the fact I also have no one to tell my whereabouts to I didn’t want to push it. :(

Anyway, enough about me. How are YOU doing?

This blog is about a year and a half old now. *Yay!* I’m just me, and I sincerely hope I’ve helped some of you out there! If you’re new, I started this blog on a semi-whim (i.e. felt compelled to begin writing out of the blue, and living 1400 miles away).

The reason I ask how you’re doing is because as a single, there’s something about this time of year that heightens our senses. All right, so you may be okay with the family festivities, but coming home to a dark and empty apartment physically stings. Maybe the festivities are okay and you’re satisfied with Sparky the Dog greeting you at the door, but the silence thunders in your ears and the cold bed sheets taunt your skin when you climb in to bed. I have large, beautiful windows that allow me to see families with their Christmas trees and such in their own windows across from my own complex. All of these things combined can make for a miserable holiday season, not to mention how retailers now seem get a running start on Valentine’s Day shortly after the silver ball drops in Times Square!

As much as you may be at peace with the Lord, these things may still bother you–and that’s okay. God saw Adam’s lack in the garden (Gen. 2:18), so don’t feel as though you’re going about you’re yearnings wrong. The key is to keep yourself second so that God and His glory will manifest through you. There’s a really cool testimony-based ministry called “I am Second” that greatly helps to keep things in perspective. When we submit to God’s will, we find ourselves sincerely wanting what He deems what’s best for us. Why? Because whatever we think is for us according to our own understanding will never be enough, fulfill, sustain, ect…it keeps us saying, “What’s next Lord? What do You have for me?” when some things don’t necessarily feels so great.

Single to single, I sincerely urge you to not deaden yourself to what you’re feeling. To feel is to be human, after all. :) Strive to keep yourself second, petition the Lord about what He has for you to do with your time. If it be God’s will to pair you in the ministry of marriage with another person, we’ll need that passion, dedication and desire to serve and love.

That’s all. :)

Oh, and I posted a link a few posts down to a very good article about loneliness you may want to check out. It’s written by someone in our boat as well. Here it is: The “Gift” of Loneliness

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

BTW (and for no reason in particular, lol), this is what I was listening to while I wrote this post…on repeat, of course!

 

I was considering writing a whole new post on loneliness, but I like the one below so much I wanted to leave it up for you all. I have to keep myself *from* writing too much or end up with a post anyway, lol, but it would have been titled “A Not-So-Merry Christmas?” but I’ll chill for now!

Here it is: The “Gift” of Loneliness

Also, as usual I’m trying out some new things here. You might a see a few layout changes, but don’t mind me! I’m also making it a priority to go back to the basics with the new “What is Marriage?” tab at the top. There are a few more in the works as well. That one has been written for a while, but as a Bible nerd with Jeremiah syndrome it was written quickly and I didn’t initially trust it, lol. Tell me if you find any problems!

 

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